I Know What I Should Do. So Why Don’t I Do It?

Coffee ready?

Mine is. And today, I have a confession.

Barbara, you know better than this! That’s exactly what I told myself last Sunday…

My son had just finished a challenging soccer game: mistakes, missed opportunities, more time on the bench than he expected… just to start.

I was there watching, absorbing, imagining, assuming, and mirroring his thoughts.

And then there was his face as he walked toward the car. The one that tells you everything, even when they don’t say a word: disappointment, sadness, fear, stress…

I knew exactly what I should do: give him a hug, give him space, offer him a snack, put on his favorite music, don’t analyze the game, don’t ask too many questions, let him sit in silence, and ask him to talk when he’s ready.

Perfect.

I had the whole plan.

Yeah… in theory…

Because the moment he got into the car, something triggered me… something happened.

I took a deep breath. I waited. One minute. I was happy that I was doing my job!

And then…

I couldn’t stand the silence. I couldn’t stand his sad face. I couldn’t stand the suffering.

And apparently, I couldn’t stand all my thoughts and expectations, or everything I’d been holding inside during the game.

So I started talking, like a river overflowing after days of rain.

Everything came out: the game, the mistakes, the coach, the bench, the missed opportunities, the decisions, the things I’d noticed, the things I’d been thinking about for days.

Not in any particular order.

Not with the right words.

And definitely not at the right moment.

It was almost as if I’d mistaken my disappointed son for my personal therapist.

Was I really talking to him, or was I talking to myself?

He certainly hadn’t signed up for that role!

And while I was talking, completely opposite feelings appeared.

Relief. Because I was finally getting everything off my chest.

Regret. Because I knew, even while I was doing it, that this was exactly what I shouldn’t be doing.

Frustration. With myself.

By the time I finished, my son looked even smaller in his seat.

He was already carrying his own disappointment.

And now I’d handed him mine too.

Wonderful job, Barbara.

Now, here’s the ironic part that makes things even worse!

I’m not only his mom, but also a Mental Performance Coach. I work with young athletes and parents, trying to avoid exactly this!

Talking about awareness, emotional regulation, confidence, expectations, and how our reactions influence our children.

I help parents create an environment where their athletes can grow, make mistakes, and become more independent…

But before judging… I’m also his mom.

Seriously, Barbara?

This is what you teach other parents. And here you are, doing the exact opposite.

Yes… I’m guilty of being human and loving him so much that the boundaries between my roles overlapped and overflowed.

But there was still time to make up for the situation. I could still regain my composure and return to my role as a professional…

Do you want to know what I did next?

What I should have done in the first place!

Luckily, this was a good call!

I hugged him. I apologized. I gave him his favorite snack. I started the car, put on some music, and began talking about the most ridiculous, unimportant things I could think of, giving him the space he needed.

Not exactly my finest parenting moment.

And it reminded me of something I talk about all the time, yet still need to practice myself.

There is a KNOWING / DOING GAP.

Knowing what to do and being able to do it are two very different things.

We live in a world where answers are available in seconds.

Need help talking to your teenager? Search.

Not sure how to handle disappointment? Ask ChatGPT.

Want to raise a confident, resilient, independent child? There are thousands of books, podcasts, and Instagram posts waiting for you.

And some of that advice is excellent.

Stay calm. Listen more. Don’t take things personally. Let them make mistakes. Focus on the process, not the result.

Wonderful!

But if knowing what to do were enough, wouldn’t parenting be much easier by now?

We know our children need independence, yet watching them make a decision we disagree with can be incredibly uncomfortable.

We know mistakes are part of learning, yet seeing our athlete repeat the same mistake can drive us crazy.

We know we shouldn’t compare, yet somehow we still notice the other kid getting more playing time.

And we know we should listen, but sometimes we’re already preparing our response before they’ve finished talking.

We know. And yet…

Because when emotions enter the conversation, everything changes.

Our expectations, fears, frustrations, and automatic reactions don’t disappear just because we’ve read a good book. Or because we’re Mental Performance Coaches!

We Google. We ask ChatGPT. We look for the next solution, preferably immediately, because not knowing makes us uncomfortable. Having an answer gives us that wonderful feeling of being back in control.

But in parenting, a quick fix doesn’t exist. Parenting is like the mental game in sport.

We can learn a technique in five minutes, but recognizing our frustration before it takes over? That takes practice.

Listening when every part of us wants to speak? Practice.

Letting our children experience disappointment without rushing to make it disappear? More practice.

Relationships and mental performance don’t work like search engines!

And becoming the parent we want to be isn’t something we can download.

It takes attention, patience, time, mistakes, and the willingness to try again.

This is why being a parent is a challenge… It’s a little old-fashioned, isn’t it?

Here’s my Different Angle before our coffee gets cold.

While our children are on their sporting journey, we have an extraordinary opportunity to practice these skills in real life.

Because sport brings so many emotions into our family life.

Excitement. Pride. Fear. Frustration. Disappointment. Hope.

It gives us moments of connection, but also moments of tension.

And that’s where the opportunity is: in the car, on the sidelines, at the dinner table, after a victory, and especially after a disappointment.

There, we practice what we read in books and hear in workshops. Education is important; intentionality is the key.

Every one of those moments gives us a chance to become more aware of our reactions, question our assumptions, listen differently, and learn when to step in and when to step back.

Our children are practicing their sport. We’re practicing how to be their parents. And perhaps that’s one of the most beautiful parts of this journey.

For every young parent out there… become the parent of an athlete, and you’ll grow your relationship faster, stronger, and more intentionally!

They’re not the only ones evolving. We are too. Not by having all the answers, but by learning how to show up, especially when things don’t go as planned.

Because everything is trainable. Even how we parent through sport.

And if you allow me to be your guide… your journey will be even more meaningful. Not because I have it all figured out, but because I’ve allowed myself to grow with my athletes, and I’ll encourage you to do the same.

Together, we’ll explore the different angle!

One question before we finish our coffee.

Until our next coffee,

Barbara

The Different Angle by Let’s Go Mental